Where I'm At

My youngest munchkin is just the happiest baby ever. I feel so lucky. And my oldest munchkin is cuter than ever and so darn sassy and spunky that even though at times she drives me up a wall it's hard to keep my cranky disposition.

I love being a Mom... absolutely love it. I think most of the time I'm a good wife. I take decent care of myself... or at least try to. But in all honesty, I feel like something is missing. I can't pinpoint what it is. It's a feeling like I missed a bus and I don't have a schedule to know when the bus is coming back around or where that darned buss was headed to. Like I'm supposed to be doing something, somewhere, but the memo that explained the details didn't make it into my box.

I've been feeling old lately. And I know old is all in the mindset of a person. Maybe it's because I feel so strapped down with tending two young children. It's a luxury being able to have children to nurture and take care of - a real luxury and I know I'm blessed. So I don't really know what my fuss is all about... it's like I want freedom to do things, but the moment I'm away from my kids when I do have that opportunity, I miss the heck out of them. And then the only thing I want is to be back with them.

So I'm not sure my fuss is really about that.

I rarely spend time with my husband as it is... him with work and then all the tending of children. We're not around each other long enough get on each other's nerves, with the exception of a good clear-the-air tiff every now and again. The Irish in me enjoys a good argument sometimes... keeps things healthy. And through a lot of questioning and observations, I see this is how most married couples are... busy with their own things and gathering some quality time when they can on occassion.

It's not really a feeling that I need to change anything in my existing life in the sense of taking or replacing what I've got... it's more of a feeling like I need to add something to what's already in place.

Where we lived before, I would see a lot of people daily. I'd spend hours a day out walking with my daughter. We knew a lot of people on a chit chat basis and we really enjoyed yammering. It was convenient to meet up with friends. We lived in a great location for that. I could listen to people's stories and offer my feedback.

Where we're living now, there's really nothing of greatness to walk to. Aside from the new Starbucks and grocery store not too far away. The neighborhood is very new, so even the trees and shrubs... the landscaping... is all small with much developing to do. There's no historic buildings. There's far too many housing developments that are cookie cutters. All looking the same crammed side by side.

But the weather here is amazing. Or at least it usually is. Lately it's been a rainy, wet, and cold mess. Maybe this is just the result of feeling so couped up. The result of being bound to a car if I want to really go anywhere. Bound to having to make plans to do anything instead of just doing whatever when it hits me.

Anyways... that's where I'm at.